Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Quick Quotes of the Day

(Actual one-liners from a few shifts in the ED:)

A colleague of mine says he thinks he has alexithymia. He just can't tell you why he feels that way.

(Yep, you'll have to scurry for your dictionaries on that one.)


Doctor: "Ma'am, I'm going to have to place you under a Baker Act. If you don't know what that is, it's a law in Florida that allows us to hold you here in the hospital until a psychiatrist can see you. I'm worried about your safety, and this is the best way to make sure you stay here and get the care you need."

Patient: "That's communism!"

Patient in adjoining cubicle: "No, it's ObamaCare."


Patient: "I peed on the floor because I can't hold it in. My (male member) is small."

Doctor (aside to nurse): "Guess that explains why I can hold it in for an entire shift."


A sad note: A local chiropractor…by all reports an incredibly nice guy, the mayor of a local community…died of cardiac arrest in his office last week.

Noted by a paramedic, channeling the Lord of Dark Humor: “Probably needed an adjustment.”


A patient drifted off to sleep on the toilet, fell from the throne, and had a laceration ot her head.

Adds a whole new thought to the term restroom.


Experienced nurse describing bowel care to her student:

"Back in the day, we used to give "Three H Enemas." They were high, hot, and a helluva lot."


Doctor: "Looks like you've been drinking!"

Patient: "That's just your opinion."


Nurse: "Okay, why don't you get undressed, slip off your shorts, and put on this gown."

Patient: "Watch out! It's gonna hit the floor!"

(Note: I examined the patient myself. The floor was safe.)


Nurse: "That seventeen year old girl is just sitting there sucking her thumb."

Unit Clerk: "If she was sucking something else she wouldn't be pregnant."

(That's all, folks! We'll be here all week, so tell your friends! And be sure to tip your nurses and techs...they're out there working hard for you. Good night!)

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