Chocolate: A Brief History

(The Child is reading a set of books by Pseudonymous Bosch. The third book in the series, entitled "This Book is not Good for You" inspired the following essay. That, and when he decided I needed to wake up at 7 AM on a Sunday, I decided he needed to write something for the blog until the morning reached double digits. I'm sooo tired...)

Chocolate. A delicious substance made from special beans made in South America. But do you know the Real truth about it?

Chocolate was first used by the Aztecs (1400-1500). They had the idea of using the pulpy juice from cocoa beans to make a hot drink with cinnamon. We now know that drink as hot chocolate.

The Aztecs believed that chocolate was food of the gods (right up there with pork chops and Coke) and only the emperor and nobles were allowed to drink it. Anyone else who was caught drinking it was put to death.

Later, the Spanish explorer (and also big jerk) Cortez came to South America and was gifted this chocolate drink by Montezuma, who believed Cortez was a god who could cause the end of the Aztecs (actually, he did, but that`s another story).Cortez brought this drink back to England and it became very popular with rich men and nobles. Eventually, an English scientist found out how to compress the cocoa pulp inside a shell made from cocoa. This was the invention of the Candy Bar.

The candy bar, over the past hundred or so years, has undergone some major improvements. The Hershey`s Candies Company was opened in America in-you guessed it-Hershey. The chocolate bar has improved so much over the years.

Now, I have some chocolate to eat.

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The Child`s All-Time Favorite Chocolate Recipie:

1 Bar of chocolate (preferably dark)
1 Hand
1 Mouth ( can`t you see where this is going?)

Remove Wrapper from candy bar. Place chocolate bar in hand. Raise bar to mouth. Eat. Repeat.

Villian Comparison: The Child Speaks!

VILLIAN COMPARISON

I am The Child, as commonly referred to on my dad`s blog. I am now twelve, and have gained permission to write on my dad`s blog. I promise that this blog will keep you entertained through the times. This column shall contain such myriad subjects as Candy, Neopets, puppies, yo-yo tricks, and…..

Um, this guy.-------

To start with, villain comparisons. This will list my favorite bad guys of all time, and their rating from 1 to 10.

Sepulchere: Found in the game DragonFable, this bad boy carries a doom blade and has a penchant for destruction. He also tries to rule the earth, but it doesn`t seem to work out, now does it?

Evil Rating: 9 out of ten. Who can resist a DOOM-blade wielding doom knight?

Drakkath: Sepulchere`s evil minion in DragonFable, and his slayer in Adventure Quest Worlds, this chaos lord-in-training never knew he was going to be his master`s killer!

Evil rating (normal): 4 out of ten. Just a worthless pile of scraps, really.
Evil rating (chaos): 10 out of ten. The chaos powers he suddenly gets are AWESOME. I mean, he beat the lord of evil himself.

Gravelyn: The daughter of Sepulchere, and also his best kept secret, Gravelyn is only a girl, but she vows to finish what her father started after Chaos Drakkath is gone!

Evil rating: 7 out of ten. Just a girl, but not a bad evil ruler.

Gnats: Blasted things! Can`t they just bug someone else for once?

Evil rating: 8 out of ten. I HATE GNATS!

Zorbak: The all-mighty Moglin wizard himself, creator of the dreaded Undead Kitten! Brothers with the dreaded Kabroz, who just hate each other. Oh, the irony.

Evil rating: 6 out of ten. He`s so narcissistic. Only cares about his little blue self. Sheesh.

Xan: An insane pyromancer, wanting to torch stuff for no apparent reason. And what`s with the flaming skull? That`s overkill. But he DOES have cool fire powers.

Evil rating: 8 out of ten. He`s powerful, and pretty cool too.

Sir Malifact: A cursed knight, he fell under a dark spell. In return for great power, he became a doom knight bent on destruction! Very powerful and dangerous.

Evil rating: 7 out of ten. He used to be a good guy, you know.

Twig: The EVIL moglin who loves fish and ice cream. Has a dreaded ice cream blast, and can summon whales. Very stupid, but dangerous. Keep your distance.

Evil rating: 10 out of ten. He`s awesome. Need I say more?

Deady: The most powerful evil ever, he comes from the planet Necros, which he blew up. Very, well, deadly. Anger courses through his stuffed body.

Evil rating: 17 out of ten. The awesomest thing since Adventure Quest Worlds!