Bathday Perils

Let’s face it…we’re not all neat freaks. While the United States may represent the most overwashed, overshaved, and nit-free society the earth has ever known, there remain significant variations on the theme. It’s not politically correct to say that some patients stink, so we have our own set of euphemisms to describe their condition. Terms like “earth-centered” and “someone really comfortable with themselves” are examples of these covert comments. Over the years I’ve favored noting that someone was “allergic to soap,” conveying the hygiene message in a way that medicalizes the condition to free the patient from confronting their real problem, like we do with other stuff such as fibromyalgia (meaning “depression”) and metabolic syndrome (meaning “fat”).

Recently, though, I’ve had to reassess my use of this phrase. Witness the allergy list on one particularly aromatic patient I saw in a small hospital in Missouri (transcribed verbatim, including spelling):

Allergy on Medicine

Asprin
Pencillion
Demroal
Dervect
Sulfer
Keyflex

Other allergies

Tomatoes
Strawberries
Purex
Dail
Joy
Palmolive
Irish Spring
Milkweed
Wasp, bees, misquites, tick bites
Pine sole

Avoiding hives is the best excuse ever for not washing. I stand, adrenaline in hand, corrected.