Eyes Wide Shut?

Best moment of my ER night: A transfer patient arrived from an outlying hospital. He had multiple facial injuries from a motor vehicle accident, and among these were deep abrasions to his eyelids , to the extent that the local facial surgeon thought he might require a skin graft. And where might you get such a graft, he wondered aloud? Perhaps the skin of the penis, he reasoned. It was the only skin thin enough to be appropriate for the eyelids. He even had a real medical word for the procedure, but to be honest I was too busy working through the implications of the procedure to remember what it was called. A phallograft, perhaps. That sounds good.

Anyway, think how this works. You see a hot girl, and then your eyes stay open, unblinking, for a long time. In the short term, you’re a sure bet to win any staring contest. But if your eyes stay open for more than four hours, please call your physician.