Emergency Haiku

Worked a shift in the Fast Track area of the ED last week, and started to write up a few anecdotes. However, it quickly became apparent that what showed up on the page was, to be frank, duller than the Annual Meeting of the American Association of Less Personable Accountants. So what could I do to make it better and save typing at the same time, while reinforcing my commitment to cultural diversity? Why, it’s haiku! So I hope you enjoy the following assortment of ED verses...

You have bad back pain
But you have OD’d before.
No Lortab for you!

There are two big boils
In quite sensitive places.
Please, try to hold still.

You face was broken
Last month; last night you hit it on
The open door. Look out!

There is no detox
At our hospital. Go now.
Do not imbibe again.

Sore throat and fever.
Tonsils bright red; take this pill
And feel much better.

Drinking and puking.
Potassium far too low.
You’ll be admitted.

Your own doctor sent you
For an MRI. You might
Have just told me that.

Neighbor’s dog jumped up.
Greeting gone wrong; you fell down.
Scrapes on knee and hand.

Swollen right foot is
Likely arthritis. It helps
If you can speak English.

Fell in the garage.
Knee swells up and hurts badly.
But it’s only a big bruise.

No sex this month; but
You had STD before.
Now it’s PID.

Runny nose and cough.
No help with Nyquil last night.
I can help you out.

Swollen up leg can be
An infection; maybe soap
and water would help.

Antibiotics
Are good for what ails you.
But you have no veins!

Scars on his chest and
Shoulders from war. Happy
To care for his ills.

Felt weak, ate an orange.
Now well. Could your sugar have
Been far too low then?

The Blood of God is
In your veins. But which of us
Wears leather restraints?

I heartily invite your contributions!